Did That Hurt?
I was wondering how conversations usually start for most people. For me they begin one of a few ways. “Did that hurt?” I look down at my cloths and feel around expecting to see arterial spray and feel the warm sticky liquid that usually accompanies it. Then they will point to their forehead and I will remember.
“Are you a Witch?”
“So, I guess you are really into those Twilight books?”
But the funniest to me is when a complete stranger asks
“Are you a Sailor Moon fan?”
I once had an entire conversation about Sailor Moon with a comic book dude and had walked away before I realized what had inspired it.
The answers I usually give to the a fore mentioned questions are: “No, not as much as you would think, kind of like a mild sunburn.”, “No I am not Wiccan, but I have many friends who are.”, ” I have read them, and seen the first two movies, but I am not a superfan.” ” No, that really was more my little sisters’ thing.”
If you don’t know, I have a facial tattoo of a blue crescent moon on my forehead. And while you would think me a little slow for not being quicker on the uptake, my only defense is that this very small, though deeply meaningful tattoo does not monopolize my every waking moment.
I suppose another reason these questions never make sense to me is that my rearing would not allow me to be so bold. We were not allowed to stare or make personal comments on people’s appearances, especially of strangers or someone we did not know well. How rude!
I am also just by nature very 19th century when it comes to personal interactions. Righteous indignation is probably the most apt description. “How dare he talk to me! Have we been introduced? Do I know his people?” I can make polite chit chat with the best of them in a professional setting but put me in a club or a party setting and I think I actually send out the same kind of vibe usually put out by people who hate cats. And we all know what happens to those people.
The second question that always follows is “Soooo,….. What does that mean?”
My answer has morphed over the past five years.
“It is a symbol of the vows of clergy I took in 1996.”
“I like moons.”
” It is a personal reminder.”
All of these statements are true but only reflect a portion my motivation. I realize that none of them are completely satisfying. They also sound cryptic, and inspire more questions. The answer you would get on any given day would really depend on my mood and how well I knew you.
I, however, know all too well the lesson of discretion. It would normally be naive of me to fully disclose how very much meaning is behind my Moon. First of all, I do not think most people want to stick around to hear the lengthy reply. But also, I am cautious of having my heart stomped. Call me crazy.
Well here for the first time ever you will be amazed by the complete and unedited story of THE BLUE MOON MYSTERY!
Yes, I first got the idea from The Mist of Avalon. What really spoke to me from that series was the female affirming tradition. The Goddess did not exist in a vacuum but existed in an eternal balance with the God, a new and intriguing concept for me. I was in a transitional stage of my life and found comfort and companionship in this book. That was around 1993/1994.
The next three years where spent sifting through what came before and taking stock. I was figuring out who I was in the world. What would I take with me and what would I release. This was particularly difficult since many of the decisions I was making at the time had consequences attached to them. I had to choose to live by my conscience.
In 1996 I went on a spiritual retreat where I received my first Reiki attunement and we were all offered the opportunity to participate in an ordination ceremony…
Now let me stop you right there. I am not a preacher, pastor or reverend. I like the term priestess but that also comes with its own baggage. True enough I have provided counseling to individuals and couples, I have officiated at wedding ceremonies and taught classes of a spiritual nature. The comparisons really stop there.
What being clergy means to me is that I take responsibility for my spiritual well being. I require no intermediary. It means that I consciously develop an awareness for my fellow human beings. Doing what I can to aid them in their process of becoming who they already are. I am a secular humanist who happens to think that humans and everything around them are as mystical and majickal as they are because of who they are. I am in awe of the Life that is all around me. There does not have to be a reason why.
My goal in Life is to diminish my existential angst and live in harmony with the world in which I find myself. I am closer to that goal today than I ever have been. This is a lifetime project obviously.
Correction, I love the Moon! I have courted the Moon, writing poems to her and basking in her changing light. She an ancient symbol for womanhood and knowing mirroring life as a series of cycles, ever changing, ever repeating. And for those with a knowledge of Quabalah, She symbolizes the Middle Path of balance. What is not to love!
My Moon is an ever present reminder. Lest I forget, my fellow human beings seem to be there to remind me. Remind me of what? I am a complete and competent woman. That I am a feminist and egalitarian. I am a mother and a wife, a sister and a daughter. She also reminds me that what I desire most is within me. “Trust yourself.” She whispers to me. “You know what to do.” This is a needed reminder for someone who never feels like I have enough information to make a decision. I would gather, compile and document to the end of time left to my own devices.
The year I turned 33 I decided it was time. I had continued to long for my Moon tattoo. I figured if I wanted it for ten years that I could live with it for the rest of my life. At that point I felt as though I had earned it. I had shed the role of child and taken on the mantle of womanhood with all the excitement and responsibility that implies. So, “Did it hurt?” “Yeah a little but not as much as you might think.”